Nancy Bartholomew

 Spending the weekend with your college student, on their turf, is a wonderful way to-

1. Bust through the Mama Denial Factor.  The Eldest Unnamed One and Lovey come home almost every weekend.  They do laundry.  (Okay, so Lovey's Mom usually does the laundry.) They laze around on the sofa, watch TV and eat almost whatever I cook up.  So it's easy to pretend nothing's changed.   They're temporarily away at school but they  live here, at home.  Just Like Always. 

Not.  

And certainly not... 

But when I went to their apartment, I was forced to realize they have a routine.  There are backup toiletries on the bathroom shelves.  They have groceries in their refrigerator and candles on the windowsills- candles that have actually been burned.  It takes time to burn candles.  Lots of time.  Longer than a weekend.  If they are burning candles in Chapel Hill for hours at a time, they are no longer living in Greensboro.

OMG! I must have...an empty...nest!!! Almost (I am still holding the Youngest Unnamed One hostage and will not give him up until they pry him....Well, until he's accepted at college and forced to report, kicking and screaming, to his dorm.)

2.  Spending the weekend with your almost-Adult child is a wonderful way to- Get to Know this Wonderful, New Adult-like (I'm not giving him up yet) Friend.  We shopped at the Weaver Street Market and he showed me all of the new foods he's tried and come to love.  We shared a soft pretzel-And found we both have a love-hate ambivalence toward the things as they are delicious and somehow disgusting at the same time.  We tried a Tapas bar and amid the high-brow ordering, he loved the fact that I mispronounced "croquettes" and called them "croquets" instead.  But was impressed when I knew the difference between a dilettante and a philistine.  

3.  The Youngest Unnamed One was also a key player in this "away from home" weekend and I think being on his brother's new home turf leveled the playing field for all of us.  He sees his brother relating to his mother as a peer rather than an authority figure and it's freeing.  I get to be viewed as a human being...albeit an OLD human being and most certainly ASEXUAL, I was still almost a human this weekend.

Me as a....gasp!...Young Girl...At the same age as the Eldest Unnamed One is now!

4. Being on your kid's turf is a mainline feed back to "The Day."  We went to see Lewis Black last night and he was hilarious.  As I followed my kids across the quad last night, staring down at the uneven brick sidewalk, I was suddenly back, walking to my own apartment, crossing the old campus, with no heavier responsibility than my courseload.  Of course, I was looking down so I wouldn't stumble and break my leg because now I'm OLD, but still, I was once again the girl I once was.  And yes, I was walking 3 feet behind them as they were lost in their current world and weren't thinking about me, but still, it was cool.

5.  But the best part about spending the weekend with the Unnamed Ones in Chapel Hill was realizing what a compliment it was to have even been invited.  It's a tribute to the relationship we have with each other that they'd even want their old mama hanging around with them. 

 Being "The Mom" is a heavy responsibility.  It is both my top priority and my most precious indulgence.  I know there are a lot of books out about how to parent properly, but they fail to take into account that every child is an individual and while some rules may hold true for most kids, there isn't a one-size-fits-all advice book.  You do what feels right in your heart and try to learn from your mistakes but we all screw it up now and then.  That's why a tribute like this weekend means so much. 

Me and Dad...Hangin'

In a perfect world, I would parent my kids like my dad raised me- with open, unconditional love and a non-judgemental mindset that allowed us to all mess up without hearing "I told you so" or the eventual, dreaded "Remember the time you..."  My dad was just there, a fellow, encouraging, sympathetic traveller on Life's road and it meant the world to me. 

But I digress...

This weekend, the sacred and the profane, was totally, awesomely, wonderful and I wouldn't give nuthin' fer it, not even a croquet!